Communication is Vital to Healthy Relationships

Learning new communication skills in any relationship is vitally important but when it comes to dealing with elder is often dismissed, overlooked or forgotten. For adult children it is natural to sink in to a parental role with their adult parents when they become needy. Not only is it natural it is easy. It takes a great deal of thought and care to change your way of communication and focus on dignity, choice and independence.

For example, in dealing with individuals who have dementia or Alzheimer it is important to not lie to them because it damages the relationship and trust. In their fragile state they are scared and frightened and need validation of their emotions. They may understand logically they need to sell their home or they can not live independently but emotionally they can't deal with the emotion and feelings. For their sake you need to forget the guilt and step back to figure out what they are trying to express emotionally but can not say due to the dementia or Alzheimer.

Naomi Feil has written a book on Validation which I suggest to understand the technique. Validation is for the old- old and when validation is done it bridges the gap, dementia or Alzheimer makes, and touches the effected ones humanity. It is a way of reaching through the maze of fear and terror the disease reeks and loving with compassion and unconditional love.

Redirection is another method of assisting with individuals who have memory impairment. Redirection requires that you enter the reality of the dementia. They may be back in 1950 feeding their baby or catching the bus to go downtown to work. Their actions seems unreal, lacking in judgment or reality and may present as immediately dangerous; but when you “enter their world” perfectly sane and real. Communicating in truth with your loved one changes when dementia and Alzheimer's attacks.

Even with elderly who are sound with no dementia or Alzheimer your communication must change and you need to think how you can help your loved one maintain dignity, choice and independence. It is challenging and a different way of communicating with your loved one. Even though you have been put in a position to be the parent rather than the child you can not use parental tone and sayings with your adult elder parent. You need to learn to use questions like who, what, where, how and leave off why, adult saying and statements. "Should's and should not's" smack of parental sayings.

Since the greatest fear of the elderly is losing control it is vital that caregivers and children become skillful in thinking through responses and request in such a way it promotes choice and promotes independence.

Thinking about how you would like to be treated when it is your turn is a good way to get started!