All life is vanity.
When life changes and losses occur there can be grieving. Perhaps that is what I am currently experiencing and perhaps I am not the only one who has gone through grieving when placing their parent in an Assisted Living home. I am so fortunate because I am in the business and know many people and can feel confident in my mom’s placement. Others may not have those relationships, knowledge and comfort.
While staying with my mother this last week I awoke to her pleas of “help me, Belinda help me” I quickly ran into the kitchen and found her draped over her walker on the floor with her face into the tiled floor. I finally figured out how to gently lift and pull the walker out from under her and position her in such a way to lift her up, after checking to see if anything was broken, and putting her in her recliner. I called EMS who assessed and checked vitals and blood pressure. She did not want to go to ER. After they were gone I discovered a bruise at her hairline on the right lobe of her head. I prayed and we applied ice. She still did not want to go to ER. She had gotten up to get something to eat and had a sickening feeling and passed out.
I took her the next morning to her doctor for fasting blood work. She also had an appointment with her ear, nose, and throat doctor and in between the two appointments we sat in the parking lot and ate snacks I had packed and talked. At the last appointment she again while being examined expressed a lack of well being and passed out. EMS was called and transported an eight of a mile to the hospital ER. She then was admitted to stay for medication monitoring and observation. Goodness, she looked like a raccoon with her two black eyes as the bruising from her head injury progressed.
Of course, her stint in the hospital set her back physically as well her fall had damaged her confidence in ambulating.
I knew she was going to need 24 hour supervision when she went home but I saw the fear and tenseness when she was walked down the hall with the RN for the first time after being admitted to the hospital. All of a sudden I knew finding qualified sitters and coordinating those would be almost impossible at this juncture and it came to me
“respite care”.
She really thought she was going to die and seemed resigned and in a state of helplessness and I believe did not want to go back to her rigid routine taking care of home and yard and being lonely.
A 30 day respite placement in an Assisted Living home would give my mother, me and my brother a time out to recuperate, gain strength, clarity and knowledge to make important life changing decisions. I happen to know two wonderful women, who are RNs, who own a retirement community. I called and they had the prefect room available and after consultation with my brother and mother we accepted the placement. After that all the necessary requirements and needs fell into place to proceed and place her July 3, 2010.
While I know it is a 30 day placement, a time out, in my heart I think this is a permanent change and feels like a loss of what I have known of her over my 61 years.
It would thrill me if she would gain strength and decide to come back to her home of 56 years but it is not what I want that counts, it is what she needs. Maintaining that focus is how we have been able to move forward.
For others who have these life changes to make I would suggest with God’s help keep the focus on the needs of the parent who needs help and not on you and your emotions.
She has decided! She wants my brother to sell the house and her car. The change is permanent. May God continue to “direct our paths” as we place our trust in Him.
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